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An Archived Managed World This blog has moved to

I now officially HATE Sea Fair / Fleet Week or whatever the hell it is called up here. Don't get me wrong, the Blue Angels are pretty cool. But, the traffic SUCKS. And NOONE, no official city organization or anything is doing ANYTHING about helping it out. It's like seeing Survival of the Fittest, only with cars. I'm pretty sure I saw 11 misdemeanors committed while I was on the freeway, and that's just the vehicles, not even counting the crimes committed by the humans inside. That's right, it was SO bad, the CARS were committing crimes to get around.

Of course, some might argue that it is my own damn fault for trying to sift through traffic. You see, I mistakenly forgot it was Big-Scary-Underwater-Squid-Monster-Celebrating-Wicked-Fast-UFOs-Or-Whatever-The-Hell-Else-Fair this weekend. But, alas, my wife and I need to return the rental car we used while relocating today. On our way back, it took us TWO HOURS to drive a SINGLE MILE on the freeway. No lie, no exaggeration (I have witnesses to prove it). You don't quite understand. Even with my so-called "weight problem," I could have traveled that mile faster doing The Worm for goodness sakes. I don't even want to do the math to calculate what amount of measly feet per second we were traveling because I know it'll just cause me to go (as Rory so eloquently puts it) "Bat-Shit Crazy."

The worst part is that these kind of conditions brings out the worst in people. You know, those people that think it's fine to drive the 3/4 mile on the shoulder and then get pissed at us (the ones that have been sitting patiently in this crap condition) when we don't let them over. Well, I'm sorry misses Important-BMW-Business-Woman-Talking-On-Your-Cell-Phone that you're running late to get your manicure. Hell, I don't care if you're going to get the crap beaten out of you by your pimp because you're running late dropping off the money from your tricks, you can wait in line like the rest of us.

It amazes me how people change once they get into a car. You won't cut in line like that while you're waiting to order your Double Cheeseburger and Large Fry, but hell, you and your Beamer are so much more important than everyone else that we should be the parting waters for you like you're friggen' Moses parting the Red Sea. Well, excuse me, I don't mean to insult you, but YOU'RE NOT MOSES, DUMBASS. Get back in line, and take it like a man/woman/thing. You don't see the rest of us getting bent our of shape because we have a metaphorical banana up our metaphorical tail pipe, so chill out. (Ironic, I know, since this post itself could be constrained as being all bent out of shape myself. Well, I'll tell you a secret: I'm not exactly in the kind of mood to care about irony.)

It is moments like today that I realize Darwin was a dumbass. "Survival of the Fittest", ha, that's a joke. If that were true, these people would have blown out their brains with an empty shotgun long ago. What pisses me off more is that people like this are MULTIPLYING. It almost makes me want to run for president and prevent dumb people from procreating. I know that's not very nice, but I'm a little pissy right now, and I don't particularly care. Why this Dumbass DNA is still in our Genetic Ecosystem is beyond me.

On the other hand, days like today make me think that people like Trisha are perhaps the most enlightened of us all. Sooner or later, I'm sure I'll get super pissed and just sell off my car and take the bus everywhere. At least then, if I'm stuck in traffic for two hours like today, I can be doing something productive like reading, writing, or arithmetic, or saving the human race for all I know.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some H2's to go flip off.

Posted on Sunday, August 6, 2006 12:29 PM | Back to top

Comments on this post: Getting Beaten By Your Pimp

# re: Getting Beaten By Your Pimp
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"...I could have traveled that mile faster doing The Worm for goodness sakes."

Left by Ben Scheirman on Aug 07, 2006 2:22 AM

# re: Getting Beaten By Your Pimp
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Yeah, but the Blue Angels... 8)

Definitely sux. I remember this one time at band camp... I was driving out of L.A. during rush hour. There was a 3 car wreck, and EVERYONE (in and out of L.A.) is a rubber-necker. Took us 8 hours (yes, a full day of work) to drive about 10 miles. That was a long evening. Still not as bad as the .5 mph you were getting.
Left by Steve Kaschimer on Aug 07, 2006 6:28 PM

# re: Getting Beaten By Your Pimp
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The Worm = classic. Thanks for reminding me how old I am.

People drive like that to a lesser degree in normal instances. A traffic snafu exponentially increases the stupidity factor.

I believe I can figure out all I want to know about a person by the way they drive. I think people have been sold on the whole "evolution is where I'm stuck" so they act like chimps, throwing poo at each other. Survival of the fittest isn't this crap, and Darwin was a f-ing retard. He simply gave people that could normally act like human beings the EXCUSE not to.

Personally, I don't give a damn what people do. I don't care that you're late for work or you have the desire to come into my lane. Driving is all about rights, specifically the condition known as "right of way". I own the rights to that and I must delegate it. It is never something to be taken and when done it creates CHAOS. Life is all about order, red lights, crosswalks, sidewalks, and the entirety of the transportation systems in place all have a clearly defined method of execution. This is not rocket science yet people treat it like it is for some reason. I shouldn't have to deal with 80% of the crap I deal with on the road every single time I step out of my house, yet I do. It's only getting worse too.
Left by Jeremy Brayton on Aug 08, 2006 12:18 PM

# re: Getting Beaten By Your Pimp
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Yeah, I have to chime in on the worm quote too. That was hilarious!

PS - I'm glad you think I am enlightened :) Anytime you want to learn the bus ropes, just let me know!
Left by Trisha Lacey on Aug 10, 2006 1:47 PM

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